Abacot
by Ariadne The Alchemist
Summary: Oneshot. An alternate beginning to Ep II. A seraph and an ersatz human have more in common then they realize. chaosxCanaan. Because I can.


Ahh…Xenosaga, such fond memories, such wonderful times. So, hey, this little one-shot has been in the back of my mind for a while, so I decided to take a break from the FMA universe and write it. Nothing but angst and fluff and ATA's rampart dialogue, a dangerous mixture but hey…

A little scattered at the beginning, but it gets better, promise.

Oh! And "-blah-" indicates a change in the POV.

(Ugh, I really need to go back and re-edit MSOTY…gah…that'll be my next project)

Enjoy!

* * *

They were both thinking the same thing, the exact same thought, even though neither would dare admit it out loud. 

How in the world did I end up with _him?_

_

* * *

_

_As mentioned in the briefing, this is a top secret mission._

_All IFF code transfers will be switched off and under no circumstances will you receive backup from this vessel._

_You will have to manage your descent and return on your own…_

_

* * *

_

_-chaos-_

"_I appreciate the offer, but you might want to reconsider."_

Those were the very first words he ever said to me.

I had barely known him for two seconds and I could already sense he didn't like me. He considered me an intrusion, most likely, a liability that would get in his way, another person he would have to save. He instantly struck me as the "loner" type, so he was probably looking forward to doing this mission by himself. A Realian for Realian problems was the code most went by.

Odd, but in spite of all that I simply can't feel any bitterness toward him. In fact, I almost find him amiable, even though he probably found me irritating.

I've done my research, I know what he is. He's a completely unique one-of-a-kind model, meaning another Realian will not be made that resembles him nor was he based off another version. He was built from the ground up, I've heard that Wilhelm even personally oversaw his schematics. Missions like this are what he was specifically designed to do. Top of the line scanners, reading systems, networking, life support…

Speaking of which, I think he's trying to use some of that fancy techno stuff on me right now.

During our debriefing he studied me for a very long time, with an almost curious look about him, trying to map me out I suppose. When I glanced over to meet his eyes he simply turned away. Embarrassment? I doubt it, but he didn't look at me again until the meeting was over. Without speaking a word he headed for the hangar with me faithfully trailing him, just a silent as he was.

That was one thing we had in common, at least. We didn't waste time with meaningless words.

* * *

_-Canaan-_

I don't get him.

Why does he want to come on this mission with me? Why did I only know about him twenty minutes before I launched? Why did he seemingly come up from out of the blue? Why had I never heard about him before? Why…!

chaos: a state of complete disorder and confusion.

That's all my word-base could tell me, it wasn't much help. That name, chaos, probably isn't even his real one. Although that's exactly what he his, _confusion._

To be perfectly honest?

When I first saw him I thought he was a girl. It was an…easy mistake. Then I heard him speak again and realized his voice belonged to that of a boy. Yes, I said boy. He doesn't look old enough to be called a man yet.

I guess I shouldn't be talking, though. I'm not yet three years old.

I'm usually good at figuring out humans, the way they walk, talk, act. It's built into our systems to study our surroundings, it makes us more efficient killers. But this was like trying to interpret a brick wall, a very odd looking solemn-faced brick wall. This annoys me. _He_ annoys me.

_But why can I not seem to focus on anything else?_

_

* * *

_

_-chaos-_

_You can expect heavy resistance from both U-TIC enemy craft and Federation military units deployed throughout Miltia. _

_It's going to be dangerous so watch yourselves out there._

"Don't worry," Canaan said, "I'm coming back."

_I'm_ coming back, not "we're" coming back, _I'm_. Now I _know_ he doesn't like me.

Canaan…what an odd name. When I first heard it spoken I instantly thought of that ancient Promised Land next to the sea, so much bloodshed for that tiny place. But on further meditation I realized it could also mean that cursed grandson of Noah, doomed to spend his life in servitude to his brothers. Hmm…puzzling. Which one was he named for? Maybe I should just ask him.

No, that wouldn't be smart. Canaan, are you are you named after an ancient land or a blighted grandson? No, if I ask that he'll probably think I was crazy.

I'll just ponder on it quietly, looks like we're about to leave anyway.

* * *

_-Canaan-_

"All enemies destroyed," he said calmly behind me.

I eased my grip on the controls and inwardly breathed a sigh of relief. Barely a minute on this hellish planet and we had already been attacked, what a way to start a mission…

As much as it despises me to think this, I was impressed with the way he fought. _Him, _my so-called navigator. Gracefully, flawlessly, like a dance, not even a flinch every time he fired, that was the way he destroyed. And the way he took out four ships in a single shot…

On top of all that, he hadn't passed out from my flying. Yet.

I snapped out of my thinking long enough to hear him say, "It's true. You're as good as they say you are…"

I blinked. Was he trying to give me praise? Why?

"How are you handling the feedback?" I asked, bluntly changing the subject. "You know a normal person would've probably passed out by now. I don't want you jeopardizing the mission."

I meant it as a compliment. Honestly. But I don't think he took it that way.

"If I get anything unusual from-"

"_Enemy detected!"_

_

* * *

_

_-chaos-_

The words were barely out of my mouth before a ship slammed head on into us, nearly knocking the wind out of me. The E.S. gave a great lurch backwards but still held steady.

_Great, we've got a suicidal on our hands. This could get messy…_

I suppressed my panic instinct and took back control of the weapons. Without any power for the gun left he would be difficult to damage.

"That first hit knocked out my controls, I can't maneuver us away," Canaan said from the front, "Take him out quickly." He didn't need to say it twice.

The lone vessel speeded at us, even faster than before if that was possible. I desperately lashed out with one arm trying to knock him off course, but I only managed a scratch on his hull before he barreled into Asher's left side. My heart began to beat a little faster, a few more inches and it would've landed dead into us…

"We can't take another hit like that," Canaan said in his monotone voice, "I'm taking over the weapons."

"I can get him on his next run," I said stubbornly, grinding my teeth.

"Your precision isn't as good as mine," he simply stated.

"I can get him," I said again, this time with more force.

"…fine. Just don't get us killed."

I starred dead ahead, unmoving and unblinking, while the enemy was circling in for another attack. He tried feigning a charge a few times, trying to get us to prematurely strike so we would be defenseless, but I didn't fall for it. At last he flew at us, for real, and a split-second before he hit I crashed Asher's arm perfectly against his anterior. The vessel went spiraling out a ways before exploding into pieces.

_Phew…that was a little too close…_

"Luck," Canaan mumbled. I inwardly grinned, he didn't think I could do it huh?

"Let's hurry up and get out of here," he said.

"Of course."

I started up the engines again but then a warning appeared on my screen. "Oh dear…" I voiced aloud.

"What?"

I frowned. "The main engines aren't responding. There's only enough power left for us to hover, it'll be a while before they can fully repair themselves."

"How long?"

"Well…"

"How _long_?" he asked again.

"…two hours."

"Two _hours?" _he said in disbelief, "Do you really think we can stay out here undetected for two _hours_? Plus the mission can't afford to be delayed that long."

"I can give you one thruster, that should be enough to get us out of range for the time being. And the U.R.T.V.'s will just have to wait."

"Wonderful," he muttered quietly, thinking I couldn't hear him, "simply _wonderful_. I told Helmer I wanted to do this alone…"

"I heard that. You make it sound like this was _my_ fault," I said bitterly.

"Well, you _were_ the one who said "all enemies destroyed…"

I narrowed my eyes. What was the world coming to? I'm getting lip from a _Realian_.

"Look," I said impatiently, "We're going to be stuck out here together for a very long time, so why don't we just get along? I won't bother you, you stop giving me grief, and maybe we can get through this without killing each other. Deal?"

"Deal."

At last, we agreed.

* * *

_-Canaan-_

There was something bothering me in the back of my mind, which is odd for me. I'm not usually "bothered" by anything.

But the way I…talked to him earlier, the "I don't want you jeopardizing the mission" and the "I wanted to do this alone" and so on. Those words were harsh, I realize that. I was being a bit of a…hmm, what was the word for it again?

Ah yes, a _jerk_.

We had been drifting around for a good half hour now, by my count, and he hadn't even attempted to start a conversation. Maybe it was out of respect that I didn't want to be bothered, but mostly likely he was still miffed about how I had treated him.

I don't mean to be so blunt, but fluffing up the truth never suited my fancy. However there was a thin line between honest and insulting so…

"chaos."

I literally heard him jump from the back part of the ship. "Y-yes?"

"How long have you been an E.S. pilot?"

"Huh? I beg your pardon?"

I swiveled my chair around so I could look at him. "I am trying to make polite conversation with you. If you rather I didn't then I'll drop it."

"No no," he said earnestly, "conversation would be wonderful. Um…well, I guess counting training I've been a pilot now for about five years."

I raised an eyebrow. That long?

I saw him give an odd little half-smile. "Yes, that long."

Great, so now he's a mind reader as well?

"But what I really want to do is get a job as an engineer," he continued, "You know, get employment on some freight ship and travel around the galaxy. I'm just piloting for the Federation to keep a steady income."

I nodded. "Wish I could be like that. I'll probably be a pilot until I'm either killed or transferred to another post."

Sympathy came into his features. "I'm sorry…your life must get pretty dull sometimes huh?"

"Yeah, well, Realian. Not much I can do about it."

"Yes. Unfortunately, that's right," he said quietly.

He leaned forward in his chair. "Realians, and artificial life in general, have always fascinated me though. Created from the minds of humans to be exactly like them, except they always turn out so different."

"Define different," I said, unsure what he trying to say.

"Well, their general personalities for example. Humans rely on deception and cunning and cleverness far too often. Realians are, in word, _candid._ I don't think it's the way their designed either. They just think on very simple, honest levels, and are very straightforward about everything. Although sometimes it's mistaken for being rude…"

I fidgeted.

"But, all in all, I've never met a Realian I didn't…Oh!" He suddenly looked startled, "Look at me, prattling on like you weren't even there. I hope I haven't offended you."

"No, it's fine. Please go on." Actually if he was saying all that to flatter me, it was working very well.

He nodded and continued, "When Realians were first created they were considered a bit of a mystery. How can something not technically "born" be alive? There was this huge debate on the ethnicity of it all, if they had souls or feelings and the like. I remember one of the biggest reas-"

"Hold on for a second," I interrupted.

"Hmm?"

"The very first Realians were created over ninety five years ago, and you say you _remember_ it? Your grandmother probably wasn't even born yet."

He said nothing.

"You know," I continued, feeling a little used, "you talk about honesty and truth but then go around spouting nonsense like that. It's hypocritical."

"Hmm…nonsense…" he said slowly, like he wasn't even listening to me. He suddenly gave me a genuine smile then leaned back in his seat, shutting his eyes. I assumed that meant the conversation was over, for now.

I shook my head, he doesn't look more than fifteen, sixteen at the most. There was no _way_ he could've been alive back then.

Right?

* * *

_-chaos-_

It's getting too quiet in here again…

Our first conversation was…nice, but a little odd. Scratch that, _extremely_ odd. I wanted to have a _real_ talk with him, not me rambling on about my philosophies and he thinking I was a hypocrite. A hypocrite he said! I don't think I've ever been called _that_ before…

Anyway, I'll start off with the basics.

"Hey Canaan," I called from my perch, "Have you ever been in love?"

He whipped around in his seat and I swear I could see a little red in his face. "Where in the world did _that_ come from?"

"I'm just trying to make conversation again," I replied innocently.

He looked cross. He folded his arms tightly against his chest and sat there for a while. I hadn't said something strange, had I?

"I'll talk…but only if you answer your own question first."

"Have _I _been in love?"

"Yes."

"Hmm…" I mused aloud, "Well…there was one time I _thought_ I was in love, but it was just a brief moment of passion I guess. I was so naïve at the time, I was ready to fall for anyone who took the slightest interest in me. Ahh, but he was so charming and-"

"_He?_" Canaan blurted.

Uh oh, trapped myself on that one.

"Yes, _he_," I said firmly, "Problem with that?"

"But…but…I thought humans only…oh never mind."

"That's what I thought. Anyway, so with him it wasn't love. Eventually, I figured out he was doing some…questionable things, meddling around where he shouldn't be, and when I-"

"What kinds of _questionable things?"_ Canaan blurted again.

I frowned. "Do you want me to finish my story or not?"

"…I apologize. Please continue."

"Thank you. When I confronted him about it he accused me of being a traitor and kicked me out. After that he kind of…vanished."

"Sounds like a real crazy," he said.

"Yes, well, anyway," I said, waving off the somber atmosphere, "It's your turn."

He folded his arms again. "Well, I'm a bit like you actually, I can't say I've ever been truly in love. Then again, not sure if I even _can_ be in love."

"Why's that?"

He pointed to his head. "Suppressed emotions model."

I simply nodded.

"But there was one person, a fellow officer I used to work with. A woman," he added quickly.

"Ahh," I said mischievously, "was she pretty?"

He shrugged. "I suppose. She was my first friend, if you can call it that. When I was created I was assigned to simple duties, you know, to gain experience for later combat and whatnot. One of them was patrolling this hallway so civilians didn't wonder where they weren't supposed to be. A boring job, but we were assigned together there."

I saw a faint trace of a smile on his lips. "It's funny, we never actually talked, just stood there together guarding that silly corridor. Talk about tedious…"

"What was her name?"

"She was mass-produced, so she didn't have a proper name actually."

"Oh, but still, that sounds pretty nice..."

"Yeah, wasn't too bad but…" He bit his lip.

"But…?"

"I…no, never mind, just forget it." He turned back around as if that would make me go away.

"Canaan."

"What?"

"You do realize that I won't rest until you finish that story."

"Then you won't rest."

"C'mon, sharing time Canaan, what happened?"

He grumbled and turned back around. "Fine, but you're not going to like it."

I teetered on the edge of my seat, eager to hear the rest.

"One night, just when we were about to be relieved from our posts, some drunk cadet wanders over and starts making a fuss about being lost and so on…"

"Mm hmm…"

"So we started talking to him, trying to get him calm again and figure out where he was going. But then he started to get a little…fresh with her."

My eyes widened.

"First I tried to talk him down, but that wasn't working, he was completely out of sorts. Then when he grabbed her arm I kinda snapped."

"What did you do?"

"I punched him in the face," he said proudly.

"Whaaa? Then what happened?"

His confidence faltered, I could see it. He beckoned me forward and I complied, leaning over as far as I could without falling over.

He pulled back his flight suit at the chest, revealing skin right next to his heart that had two small discolored circles on it.

I gasped. "He _shot…!_"

"Two rounds in the chest. He had to "teach me a lesson," or so he put it. I almost didn't make it."

I didn't have a clue what to say.

"But do you know what _really_ agitates me about the whole thing?" I shook my head.

"See, he went to jail of course, but not under the terms of shooting someone, oh no. He was sent there for two weeks on the grounds of discharging his weapon without permission and damaging valuable merchandise _Merchandise_. Like I'm some damn vase." I jumped a little at the sudden vehemence in his voice.

He tilted his head, daring me to give an opinion. When I didn't reply he continued, "You get it right? We aren't considered human so we don't have human rights. In the eyes of the government we are but mere living puppets. Understand?"

I nodded my head. "I understand, and I won't pretend all you said isn't true. It's very…frustrating to see that living beings are still treated like this."

I could tell by the increased brightness in his eyes he was pleased. "Precisely."

"So…then what happened?" I asked.

"I recovered, eventually, received a stern talking to by my supervisor for hitting another officer, and was transferred to another area. I never saw her or the other soldier again."

He stretched his arms out then said quietly, "You know it's odd, I've never told anyone that story before."

"Really? Why?"

"Hn, no one's bothered to try to talk to me before. Then again, I've never been stuck with the same person in such a confined space for over…" he looked at his consul, "One hour and seventeen minutes. How are the engines doing by the way?"

"Oh!" I exclaimed, coming back down to reality, "Let's see…they're almost sixty five percent repaired. It'll still be another forty minutes, at least."

He nodded and turned back to his station, I assumed the conversation was over again. Shame, I was starting to really enjoy it…

* * *

_-Canaan-_

I want to impress him.

So badly I've been on the edge of my seat for the past half-hour, waiting for the perfect moment to talk to him again. It's frustrating and dizzying and agitating…and it really, really, _really_ annoys me. But…I can't…

_Why?_ Why now of all times? Why him of all people? Why am I so fascinated by this being before me? Something's…_there_, but my stupid little mind can't wrap itself around it.

He is a funny little thing though, huh? Very unusual. I can't say I've met a lot of humans in my time, but by far he is the most…unique.

By the way, while all this turmoil of thought was going on he sits contently in the back, _humming,_ of all things…

…actually, it was a pretty nice tune. Simple yes, but kind of nostalgic at the same time…

Wait. I've _heard _that song before, I recognize it. What was the name…?

"Clair De Lune."

"Hn? What did you say?" he asked in a semi-startled voice.

"Clair De Lune," I repeated, "From Suite Bergamasque. By…Debussy right?"

I was immensely pleased when this rendered him almost speechless. "But…that's, I mean, you…? You actually know what that is?"

"Yes."

"But that song is a couple millennia old, at _least_. How in the world did you recognize it?"

"Long story short, I was rummaging around storage one day and came across these _ancient_ music files, been gathering dust for about half a century I suspected. I downloaded them into my memory and your song happened to be one of them."

"Why?"

I shrugged. "Seemed like such a waste to keep them locked up like that."

He looked, in a word, _impressed_. I swelled with pride.

"Amazing…" he whispered, "I was beginning to think that song had been completely lost…"

I raised an eyebrow. "Well, that's _my_ excuse, how did _you_ hear that song? No, wait wait, let me guess; you probably heard the original piece when it was first played or something like that, right? Since you claim to be some primordial being?"

He frowned. "Are you making fun of me?"

Shoot, didn't mean for it to come out that way…

"No no, I wasn't teasing you, in fact I was being sincere," I said calmly, "For all I know you could've helped the guy write it. People are living to be a couple centuries old these days, so who am I to judge whether you're twelve or twelve hundred?"

He leaned back again with a drastic sign. "You don't know how refreshing it is to hear someone say that. I'm _really_ sick of people treating me like a child the first time we meet."

"Hm…I'm a bit guilty of that too though…"

"A little," he admitted, "But trust me, it's been much worse before."

…Silence.

"I like you chaos," I said quietly. His eyes widened.

"I do. You're the first person, _ever,_ in my entire life to actually talk to me about something sincere. The first to, well, take an interest in what _I_ think about things. To not treat me like some…mindless machine."

I nervously drummed my fingers. I hadn't crossed the line had I?

But he smiled warmly and said, "I like you too Canaan. Since we've met I've liked you."

"Since we've met? But I acted…"

"So aloof? I know, but I sill did."

He cleared his throat. "Actually I'm a bit…envious," he said, suddenly looking very morose.

Eh? "Of what?"

"You."

_Ehh?_ "Why are you envious of me?"

He shifted and continued, "Because…because…"

* * *

_-chaos-_

Because you haven't seen the things I've seen. You haven't lived longer than the stars and slowly watched them fade away, one by one. You haven't witnessed the birth and destruction of millions of lives, you haven't seen your friends and comrades slowly turn to dust. Because your home hasn't been lost, because your innocence is still intact, because you haven't had to see what _he_ can do, because…because…

Because you aren't wallowing in you own self pity right now.

I sighed. "I'm…sorry Canaan, just forget I said anything. It was a pointless subject to bring up."

He looked extremely dissatisfied. "That isn't true and you know it. What? Do you think I can't handle it?"

I didn't reply.

"Well?"

I closed my eyes and refused to say anything.

"Fine," he said roughly, "Silence is all right with me, but I just want to say something first. You've suffered in the past, I _get it_ and I sympathize, but just remember that I'm no stranger to pain either. At least that's one thing we have in common." He turned back around to his station which told me he was finished.

I felt horrible, but my pride was too large to swallow. Why did that have to end on such a sour note?

A small blip from my station brought me back into work-mode. "The engines have finished repairing," I said quietly.

"About time. Reset the coordinates to our original descent, we'll find a place to set down."

"Roger."

My head wouldn't stop spinning.

* * *

_And so they donned the masks of professionals. _

_No more tender words were exchanged between the two, just the occasional brief command or copy or status or warning, nothing that amounted to "discussion." They couldn't let this…thing, whatever it was, interfere with the mission. That just wasn't something soldiers did. _

_So they pressed onward, fighting enemies as they came, met up with the fellow soldier by the name of Jin, the great fight with Margulis, Canaan's acquirement of the Y-data. All that was left to do was search for the abandoned children…_

_But then something else happened that didn't quite go according to plan._

_

* * *

_

_-Canaan-_

"Please, go on," Jin beseeched us, "Bring the truth of this conflict, the truth hidden in that data, to light. Please, do this one thing for me."

"Captain Uzuki…" chaos pleaded.

"I'm counting on you. So, farewell."

And with that he leapt away.

Funny, only thing I was thinking at that point was "what a _showoff_." Maybe it came with the slight bit of jealously but…

"Canaan!" chaos cried unexpectedly, "Look at that!" I turned around to see what he was so excited about.

The next few moments are practically clouds of dust in my mind but I remember…

A huge blackness in the sky, spreading over everything like it would consume the whole world.

It came closer…

My head burned inside my skull and the last thing I heard was chaos' cry before I completely shut down.

* * *

_That's weird…is someone calling for me? I'll be there in a second…_

My eyes flew awake and were greeted with an onslaught of rain. Lovely…I blinked the water out of my eyes and noticed chaos was there, hovering about an inch away from my face. He suddenly turned frantic when he realized I was awake.

"Canaan! Are you okay?"

"I'm…fine," I muttered, vexed by his presence as usual. I came to a sitting position and massaged my aching head.

"How long was I out?"

"Only a few minutes. I was terrified you were…gone, see, because you weren't moving at all."

"Realians don't die, they just shut down permanently. It normally doesn't hap-"

I sharply inhaled and forgot my next words. Were those…were those simply raindrops on his face or was he…?

"chaos? Are you…?"

He seemed as astonished as I was. He reached up and rubbed the salty substance from his eyes, gazing at it blankly before thoroughly wiping his face.

"Isn't that…strange," he muttered, more to himself than me, "Haven't shed a tear in almost five years and now…"

"We should continue onward," I said quickly, looking for an escape out of this scenario, "The U.R.T.V.'s are still waiting. Help me up."

As if in a daze, he picked me up with almost too much ease then quietly followed behind me. He seemed completely submerged in his own mind, but once I caught him starring at me so intensely as though he was trying to burn through my head. Then it was gone, and he avoided all of my gazes.

The next time we accidentally brushed against each other, we both recoiled as if in pain.

* * *

_And so the children were saved._

_

* * *

_

"I believe a congratulation is in order," Helmer said in an almost light tone, "The two U.R.T.V.'s you retrieved are recuperating in the infirmary. Both are stabilized, for the time being."

"It's a relief to hear that," chaos said, "I was worried the dark-haired one, Nigredo, wouldn't make it."

"He'll be fine. Actually, I have no other assignments for you at this point chaos, so you're dismissed for the time being. You may see them if the doctors permit it."

He gave a slight bow. "Thank you sir…"

"As for you Canaan," he continued, "I want you to go straight to the Realian maintenance wing and have the Y-data examined. The sooner we can isolate and decode it, the better. Dismissed."

Canaan gave a small bow similar to chaos' and murmured, "Of course sir…"

* * *

They walked together in absolute silence until they reached the main corridor, the Hospital to the right, the Realian Wing to the left. 

"So I guess this is…it," chaos said distantly.

"Yes, that appears to be true."

"We…probably will never see each other again, huh?"

"Most likely."

Canaan was blatantly oblivious to his navigator's sadness, he was still too strong to be swayed by those eyes. Instead he stiffly stuck out his hand and said, "It was…nice, working with you. If we do meet again, hopefully it will be soon."

"Yes…of course," chaos replied, trying to mock Canaan's coolness. So he reached out and shook his hand.

And in that moment Canaan crumbled.

* * *

chaos only had time to be surprised as Canaan yanked him forward and pressed his lips to his. He felt his face turn white hot and could only stand there, limp, silently panicking in the Realian's tight grasp. chaos' eyes frantically darted around, trying to look at anything, _anything_, the ceiling the walls the floor, anything so he didn't look at his face. It proved to be difficult though, as most of his vision was blocked by closed amber-eyes. 

But then chaos started to recover from the initial shock and relaxed, daring to press in closer. He nervously snaked an arm around Canaan's shoulders, the other limb hanging useless, only to find he was shaking. They _both_ were shaking. _He's just as uneasy as I am…_ he thought.

They stayed that way for a while, not really out of intimacy, just that both were too scared to break apart. For then they would have to actually _talk_ again...

chaos was the brave one to finally pull back, breaking their contact. Their iron grips on each other disintegrated and they quickly retreated. chaos was extremely embarrassed and a little distraught, although inwardly was mysteriously content…

Canaan, however, looked like he was about to have a breakdown.

"I'm…sorry…" he said meekly, stuttering on his words.

"It's all right," chaos assured, "It was kind of…nice."

"chaos," Canaan said, still stammering, "I…we…this won't, I mean we can't…we can't…"

He was silenced by gloved fingertips. "You don't need to say it, we both know right? That this won't work yet? I understand…"

He gave the warmest smile that almost melted Canaan's frigid spirit. Almost…

"So…" the seraph continued, "We're both going to turn around, and walk away with no regrets. Okay?"

The faux human could only nod.

They both soundlessly pivoted and walked away, neither of their steps faltering for a second. No tears, no more smiles, no last minute running into the other's arms. They didn't need it, both were already satisfied.

_And so, they didn't see each other again for fourteen years._

_

* * *

_

The E.S. Asher swooped in like some mythical bird, driving away the attackers and probably saving all their lives. Yet all Jr. could do was complain about him being late, and of course getting his name wrong again…

Just before there was another parting, lovat met saffron in a longing glance that couldn't have lasted more than a second. But it was all they needed…

_So_, Canaan mused, _fourteen years hasn't changed you much. In trouble again, as usual._

_But of course_, chaos replied in his brief smile, _and still you've come to rescue me, hmm?_

_Fin._

_

* * *

_

WHOO!

Long author after-rant….since I haven't posted anything in the Xeno community for a while…

I am VERY excited about the release of Xeno III, it's looking to be pretty awesome in my opinion. You get to play as Miyuki, Allen, and, dun dun dun! Canaan! Whoot! Seen some screenshots of the game and our favorite Realian looks…how shall I say…very _manly_. Especially during the nicer-looking cutscene thingies. chaos has been restored to his former big-eyed cuteness, but not _quite_ as extreme as the first one. I'd say it's a good combination of both looks, although his eyes have mysteriously morphed into a definite shade of blue, or maybe it was just the picture I was looking at…

Totally random, but has anyone heard the song "X&Y" by Coldplay? Is it just me or is it _screaming_ Cc? Look at these lines from the song: "I dive in at the deep end, you become my best friend, I wanna love you but I don't know if I can."

Nehehe…maybe it's just my yaoi-crazed mind, but maybe it's not.

And the chaos' rant about Canaan's name is all true. "Canaan" was the ancient name used by many to describe present-day Israel, and was also the name of one of Noah's grandsons (or sons, not sure which.) Wikipedia is fabulous.

Last but not least, definitions for mah weird words…

Ersatz- artificial, imitating

Faux- basically same thing as above

Seraph- angel, more or less, shortened version of "seraphim."

Lovat- greenish bluish color

Saffron- Yellow, orangey color

And of course, "Abacot," the title of this thing, has a bit of a history to it actually. It was a misprint of another word (_bycoket, don't know how they screwed that up, but it means "headdress")_ so "Abacot" is technically a word that isn't suppose to exist. Therefore, I like to think the definition would be "something that never existed or was never suppose to exist."

And there you have it! Kudos for reading this far, _please _tell me what you thought, any writing can always been made better. Any questions will be happily answered. See ya in the future!


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